BugFrog

The cycle repeats over and over. You embrace something new to make your life simpler, and it works that way for a little while, but then it basically leaves you in the same spot you were in before.

For example, cell phones. I got one once so that if I needed to call someone, I could. No matter where I was, or what I was doing, I could contact the people I needed to contact. If my wife needed me, she could call. Jump forward a few years, and I don’t even answer the damn thing. I will read a text message though. Send me a text, and I’ll get it and be able to respond. If you need to get ahold of me, send a text. Jump again, and now I don’t even look at texts. Twitter comes into text messages, reminders come into text messages, voice mail triggers a text message, my dog sends me text messages. WTF?

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t blame the technology. I’m the one who is implementing it wrong, for sure. I am trying to get a handle on it, and I am cutting back. I am trying to get things to work for me instead of me becoming a slave, and I have a LOT of experience working this out. Here’s a few:

An apartment: My first apartment, at a beach town no less, everyone was welcome. If you needed a place to crash, you had one. And every single person I knew did. Constantly. Eventually, if I didn’t know that you were coming over, I didn’t answer the door.

Land line: When I got my first land phone line (in the apartment) , everyone could call, and they did. Then I stopped answering the phone unless I knew you were supposed to call. Not even then sometimes.

Answering machine: What a great invention! For about a day. Dodging calls, screening calls, the whole thing. “Pick up! I know you are there! I’m outside your house on my new cell phone.” Now I don’t even listen to the messages, and they get emailed to me when they are recorded. How lazy can I be? BTW, if you leave me a message, just leave minor details. I don’t listen that far. Actually, don’t leave a message. I just see on the caller ID that you called and I’ll call you back.

Call waiting: I have hated this since day one. If I am on the phone, I am talking to someone. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to have every freaking call interrupt me like a 6 year old (and I know all about this) was insane or had no kids.

Email: Remember when it was cool to get a funny email with a cute dog photo? 1992 was great, right? Cut it out! And then, take a few minutes and write a message that makes sense. And put a fricking subject in. I swear I will kill Travis the next time he sends me an email with the subject of “Hey”. Plus, if the topic is too complex to be covered in 160 to 400 characters, call me. Or better yet, walk over to my cube and we can talk in person. Just don’t leave me a phone message saying you sent me an email. I will slap you.

Cell Phones, Text messages, Blogs, Twitter, Brain Wave Syncing ARRRRGHHHH! They all go the same way. Great at first, then I avoid them because they cease to be a tool for my convenience, and they become a tool for someone else’s convenience. <—— Major point here

Here’s the important part: I love technology. I love that every new thing follows the same old path as the last new things. To me this is a huge opportunity for learning. Every new thing follows the same old rules as when the first nomad wandered into a new tent camp. Community is something that humans crave and need. Let’s figure out ways to make it work FOR us instead of enslaving us. That’s what I’m about. I want to build things that allow people to use technology to their advantage, not for a marketing audience.

Tell me what you think. Argue. Prove me wrong. Let’s be a community. Bring it. I’m not afraid.

Oh, yeah, open source rules!

I’m going to go out on a limb on this one. I’m not worried about a black hole being created by the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), now referred to as “The Doomsday Machine”. Nope. Not at all. Some people and major “news” organizations are worried. Either that or they are just trying to hype it up for story and ratings fodder. Would news people do that? Noooooo. Not them. They have integrity. Ish.

Link to source article.

There have been hundreds if not thousands of really smart people working on this for a long time. At last count, there are 4 scientists that I have heard of that are worried about this thing “spawning black holes that eat the planet.” Maybe they are smart too, and they are welcome to their opinion and perspective. They might even have some new data that needs to be reviewed. They could also be just trying to argue about something. Being contrarian. Academics and scientists are trained to do that. News media is trained to sensationalize. Everyone has their strong point.

Besides, if the LHC does eat the world and I am wrong, it will happen so fast that nobody will be able to say “I told you so.” I really can’t lose by taking a stance on this one. If you are concerned about it, I totally understand, and offer up this website for you to keep track of the situation. LHC status.

What about you? Have you build a black hole bunker to duck into? What would you stock it with if you did?

I’m more worried about things like toxic waste in my city, air and water pollution, homeless people freezing to death. You know, local stuff.

Ok, guys. I realize that it is just a work bathroom, and not your home. I realize that there are people who come to clean the bathroom every night (thankfully). But I also realize that you probably weren’t raised in a shack in the bayou of Louisanna, and if you were, welcome to Colorado. We do things a bit different here.

Mr. Dribbler: Please take one step closer to the urinal. It’s not a long way. You still won’t be touching anything, and you will stop getting piss on the floor. It’s not difficult, and as an added bonus, you’ll probably get less drops on your pants.

Mr. H. Phobe: Enough with the hanging toilet paper all over the stall to keep people from seeing you poop. WE DON’T CARE. We don’t want to see you. If we did by accident, we’d be disgusted and embarassed and have to gouge our eyes out with spoons. We are not interested. If you must continue, put the used paper in the toilet or trash instead of leaving it on the floor. Ass.

Mr. Hoops: If you happen to miss the trashcan with the paper towel you used to dry your hands (thanks for washing BTW), pick it up and put it in the trash. Don’t leave it on the ground. All is it has on it is water and some of your skin cells.

Mr. Flush: Flush the freaking toilet. Use your foot on the handle if you have to, but flush. Twice if needed. Empty the bowl.

Mr. Hughs: I know that we are all nasty, germy people with disgusting sores and pustules all over our asses, that’s why you use those super hygenic paper seat liners. Fine. Cool. No problem. Flush them when you are done. Don’t leave them on the floor. Don’t hang them on the back of the toilet. Eat them for all I care. You used it, you dispose of it. BTW, I pee in the liner dispenser. {hugs}

Mr. Can You Hear Me Now: As important as that call is, you don’t need to take it while you are at the urinal or on the pot. I’ve listened to you. You were talking to a dude about some girl you met the other night. Totally could have waited. If it is an important client, they don’t want to hear your business. Or mine. Have you noticed how loud people are in the bathroom while you are on the phone? That’s me. Channeling the gas of a thousand hog farms for your call. And the grunting? That’s me too. I should get some more fiber in my diet. Hope your friends enjoy. Good luck on that sale.

Mr. Suit and Jacket: Wash your hands. I see you all the time, finishing your business, and walking out of the bathroom. Unless you are splashing about in the bidet, make a pit stop at the sink. BTW, we don’t have a bidet.

General Zod: No matter how intently you stare at your penis at the urinal, it won’t go any faster. Relax your grip, let your shoulders hang, and let nature take its course. I’m not watching you, but when I come in and it looks like you are trying to lift a 500 pound weight, I worry. Remember when you were in Pricilla Queen of the Desert? You were much more relaxed.

My Coworkers: I apologize. I just think it is funny to scare people I know when they are at the urinal. It’s totally unexpected. You didn’t even see me coming. You should see your faces!

That’s about it for now. There are some other things, but that would be nitpicky and petty. See you in the stalls.

This is bugging the fuck out of me. I just need to vent a little.

http://www.ksat.com/news/18279836/detail.html

So you ran over the old woman, the baby flew out of her arms, smashed into the windshield, rolled up the windshield, and then fell through the open sunroof sustaining only minor injuries. But the sunroof being open was an Act of God. If your God was involved, having the sunroof open wasn’t where the miracle was happening. Maybe God made the sun come out earlier so that you would open the sunroof that day? Is that it? God is causing global warming so that today you would have the sunroof open when you mowed down an old woman carrying a baby. Must be it. I’m sure that’s what the family is saying right now, “Grandma has tire tracks and a Chevy logo embedded in her forehead, but God’s watching the weather channel and He’s got a sunroof override switch on the right side of the Captain’s Command Chair of Heaven, so we’re cool.”

An Act of God is you not running someone over every freaking day while you are fucking with the damn sunroof controller. Thank God you weren’t poor and upgraded to the car with a sunroof. Sunroofs should be standard equipment on all vehicles. It will save the lives of babies. Even if it saves one baby’s life, isn’t that worth it? Thank God you fart sunshine and flowers for all us sinners.

Everybody has a different definition and description for their own faith, but when you start attributing the most dumbass part of the entire thing to An Act of God, you are a fucking moron. Oh my! It was an Act of God that I didn’t have a delicate glass vase in the passenger seat that the baby that flew in through the sunroof (after I plowed over his grandmother) could have landed on. He could have been run over AND sliced to bits. Thank God I just ran him and his grandmother over. Blessity bless and Praisity Praise!

Wouldn’t an Act of God be somehow avoiding hitting the old lady carrying a baby? I’ll even step way beyond my own faith and sincerely thank anybody’s god who might have been involved that the kid’s skull didn’t crack open like a stale egg all over your freaking windshield. That’s the image that will stick in my head, and I hope to your fucking God you keep it in yours.

I love that over the holidays, long lost friends and family show up and you can get back in touch. And then there are the new friends you haven’t met yet.

Makes me all squishy inside.

My new friend Kacy here is a pretty high up in the Lamb and Welding world:

Ministry of Commerce

Ming Yuan

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Greetings
Fromn Mrs.Kacy Meng

I know that this may come to as a surprise, I am the above named person from Hong Kong, and married to late Mr.John Meng who used to be a private contractor with the Mobil Petroleum Company in Benin Republic before he died in the year 2005.We were married for Nine years without a child.

Yes, I am truly surprised! The person writing the letter is the very same person who is named in the letter! Talk about culture clash.

When my late husband was alive he Made a numbered time (Fixed deposit) for 36 calendar months, valued at USD$3,000,000.00 with a Finance House in Benin Republic for safe keeping as Fund Belonging to his foreign business associate.This money have been floating as unclaimed since 2003 in the bank. According to the Benin law at the expiration of 5 (FIVE) years, the Money will revert to the ownership of the Benin Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.

It must be amazingly simple to open a bank account over there. No names, no ID. You want to put money in our finance house? Sure! Come on in. We’ll put it in this mostly clean pickle jar in the corner for you. When you or anyone else needs it, just ask. BTW, what’s a finance house? Is that like a public house in Britain? That’s a pretty big tab. You might consider a new place to put your money. And lets not even get into the “If you don’t claim it, I get it” policy. Who agreed to that? Oh, and where’s the foreign business associate? Something here is starting to smell fishy to me.

Presently,I’m in a hospital where I have been under going treatment for oesophageal cancer,I have since lost the ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I do not have much time to live.It is my wish to see this money distributed amoung charity organizations and also to be useful to you,because relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness,I can not live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them again.

Ironic that you won’t have to live with it, it seems. HEY! Maybe you don’t have cancer! Maybe you have agony-itis, and once you give me all your money, you’ll be cured! This could be a legit thing after all. This could be my chance to make a Christmas miracle!

Please,I beg you in the name of God to help me retrieve this money as soon as possible, I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money.

Great. Now you’re bringing God into this and he’s going to want a cut. Don’t you realize that 3 million doesn’t go that far anymore? By the time fees and taxes are taken out, we’re going to be splitting about $700k, and then there’s the wire transfers, account setup fees. Ugh. Pain in the ass. Maybe God should just take this one on his own.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Accredited Lawyer incharge of the Fund who will advise you the best procedure to get the money transferred to your account,Please be sympathetic and assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.

I wonder if I got my own Accredited Lawyer, could we speed things up a little? As often as I deal with this, I have a guy who really understands the ins and outs of this process. I should forward his contact information.

Regards
Mrs.Kacy Meng

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