This is bugging the fuck out of me. I just need to vent a little.
So you ran over the old woman, the baby flew out of her arms, smashed into the windshield, rolled up the windshield, and then fell through the open sunroof sustaining only minor injuries. But the sunroof being open was an Act of God. If your God was involved, having the sunroof open wasn’t where the miracle was happening. Maybe God made the sun come out earlier so that you would open the sunroof that day? Is that it? God is causing global warming so that today you would have the sunroof open when you mowed down an old woman carrying a baby. Must be it. I’m sure that’s what the family is saying right now, “Grandma has tire tracks and a Chevy logo embedded in her forehead, but God’s watching the weather channel and He’s got a sunroof override switch on the right side of the Captain’s Command Chair of Heaven, so we’re cool.”
An Act of God is you not running someone over every freaking day while you are fucking with the damn sunroof controller. Thank God you weren’t poor and upgraded to the car with a sunroof. Sunroofs should be standard equipment on all vehicles. It will save the lives of babies. Even if it saves one baby’s life, isn’t that worth it? Thank God you fart sunshine and flowers for all us sinners.
Everybody has a different definition and description for their own faith, but when you start attributing the most dumbass part of the entire thing to An Act of God, you are a fucking moron. Oh my! It was an Act of God that I didn’t have a delicate glass vase in the passenger seat that the baby that flew in through the sunroof (after I plowed over his grandmother) could have landed on. He could have been run over AND sliced to bits. Thank God I just ran him and his grandmother over. Blessity bless and Praisity Praise!
Wouldn’t an Act of God be somehow avoiding hitting the old lady carrying a baby? I’ll even step way beyond my own faith and sincerely thank anybody’s god who might have been involved that the kid’s skull didn’t crack open like a stale egg all over your freaking windshield. That’s the image that will stick in my head, and I hope to your fucking God you keep it in yours.