Botched Apocalypse

Wouldn’t it be funny if all the plans God put in place for the apocalypse fell apart because they were made thousands of years ago and didn’t take into account a changing society?

God: OK, I snapped my fingers, and everyone was supposed to float up. St. Peter, where are they?

St. Peter: I have been telling you for a thousand years. They have solid ceilings now. No tents. About 2/3 of them are currently stuck in their houses, bouncing on the ceiling. The other third was gathered in the AstroDome and are floating around looking for a way out.

Apocalypse Revised.doc, sent on 5/21/998. Did any one read it?

God: OK, fine. *snap* Tell them all to go outside and we’ll try again.

St Peter: Well, that would have been great, but they all just fell to the ground. Nobody around here listens to me. Super. All our staff was ready in the bulk receiving room and now we have a line 6 miles long at the front gate. I am going to be working all weekend. Doesn’t anyone read my emails? It’s going to take me 2 hours just to get set up over there. Do you realize what it is going to look like when these people get to Heaven and have to stand in line all day just to get processed? We will look like morons. And will you get blamed? No. Not the all knowing, all powerful. It will all fall on me. Peter screwed up. Peter didn’t plan ahead. Peter –

God: I damn it, Peter! Would you quit whining! Just get it done. Call me when it’s time for my welcome speech. Judas warned me. Judas said, “I won’t betray you, and don’t put Peter at the front gate.” But did I listen? No. Screw it. I’m going to go watch Battlestar Galactica. I’m pretty sure I know who the last cylon is. The suspense is killing me.