Life is better with sugar. This was our dinner conversation.
Him (out of nowhere with a giant hamburger on a Kaiser roll in his hand): Know what Julius Ceasar’s daughter’s name was?
Me: Classic?
H: No! Julia. Long line of em. Lots of Julias. Ask me anything about Julius Ceasar. Or much ado about nothing. I know that one too.
M: What happened to Julius?
H: Killed him. His wife was sad. Lots of people were sad and wanted to be with him. They said beware the Ides of March. Pegged it too. That’s tomorrow. Told ya! Told ya! Did you listen? Dead. Brutus did it. What’s a kaiser roll?
M: one of these rolls right here. Big fat rolls.
H: what are these rolls?
M: kaiser rolls. Like I said.
H: what are Kaiser rolls?
M: that roll in your hand.
H: these rolls?
M: yup.
H: what are these? These are good. They are too big. Look. I took 3 bites and I’m not even to the hamburger. That’s too big. It doesn’t fit. Small burger, big roll.
M: You usually eat an extra roll. I thought you’d like em.
H: I do. (eats extra part of roll)
M: Did you think any parts of Julius Ceasar were scary?
H: Yes! (swallows whole hamburger) I was Brutus and had a long speech to remember so I switched and was Julius so I could just lay there dead. What’s an orphan?
M: A person with no parents.
H: But how do they get that way? The Animaniacs are orphans and it’s sad because they are so cute. I like Dot. She’s a firecracker. They are the Warner Brothers. And the Warner Sister! Dot always says that. Yakko says We are the Warner Brothers and Dot says And the Warner Sister! She is so cute. I’m staying up late tonight and you are going to bed early.
M: Are you in charge now?
H: I am the exec-u-ment in charge of you! You go to bed. We switched. Much ado about nothing has animals. Julius Ceasar doesn’t. The animals don’t talk, but there are deer, a cat and a dog. Beware the ides of march! Should have said You’ll die, not beware. What’s a kaiser roll?
At this point I figured I should go to bed. We switched. He’s 7. He’ll be fine.